Tuesday, February 10, 2009

When Is It Time to Get Divorced?

If there is a process server at your door, handing you a petition for dissolution, then it's time for a divorce, whether you are ready or not.

The next question is when should you file for divorce. Ultimately, the decision is yours. There are a number of factors that indicate to me the marriage is over.

The first and most obvious factor is you are no longer in love. No amount of counseling, heart to heart talks, or good intentions are going to change this fact.

But even if you still love your spouse, it may be time to call it quits. One factor to consider is how your relationship is impacting your children. Although many people argue they should not get a divorce for "the sake of the children", they must remember the children are effected by your relationship, good or bad. Children exposed to an unloving environment may suffer more if you remain in the relationship than if you get a divorce and ultimately expose them to loving environments. Constant fighting and bickering is not an appropriate environment for children. A Champaign County judge used to say "children exposed to violence grow up to be victims or bullies". Thus the best reason to get a divorce is if it benefits your children. Even if there is no physical abuse in your home, parents who are disrespectful to each other do not set a good example to their children, and may prohibit them from growing up to have healthy relationships of their own.

Another reason for a divorce is your happiness. Sometimes it makes sense to put your own happiness on the back burner for the sake of your spouse and children. That being said, ultimately, life is short and you must work towards your full potential.

I certainly encourage talking to your priest, minister and best friend. Marriage counseling can certainly be of an enormous benefit. However, the answer to the question "should I get a divorce?" is one that can be answered only with your heart.

Contact me about how to get a divorce, or what to expect when filing for a divorce.

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